ya dads aren't the best wingmen
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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