therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
