And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
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You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
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I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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