Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
