turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
