Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
