Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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