no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
