I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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