TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
