It's like God shit irony all over that family
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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