what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
