Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
