I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
