I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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