porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
