Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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