My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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