So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
