i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
