i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
