Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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