I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
