i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
