And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
