Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
