3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
