I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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