3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
