He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
