please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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