i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You left your phone here
Wait...
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