Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
