The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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