I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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