I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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