meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
