wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
