we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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