I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
nutella sex= disaster
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
