He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize