No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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