I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
