he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
