just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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