the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
