He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
