So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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