is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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