you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
