matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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