Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
