real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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