Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
