Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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