I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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