You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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