Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
