you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
