He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
