I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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