wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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