Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
