How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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