I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
