Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Just puked most of my soul out..
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
