Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
