did you get engaged???
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
