That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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