Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I could make wine with my vomit
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
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