I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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