thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
