i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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