Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
