bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
where am i from again
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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